


Wanting What They Have

by Shiikun



Category: Free!
Genre: Anxiety, Depressing Thoughts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Nagisa-centric, Nagisa/Gou Friendship, Semi-Public Sex, tags will be added when needed or asked
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-08 06:13:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5486618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiikun/pseuds/Shiikun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He should have walked away when he had the chance.<br/>No.<br/>That's a lie. He can leave anytime he wants.<br/>"The door is right there. You can leave if you want, I won't stop you."<br/>So why does he stay? Why doesn't he run like he did before?<br/>Nagisa-centric. There will be some plot at the beginning but it'll be smut eventually.<br/>(Rewrite of first fic: No Turning Back)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not what it seems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time period will be for season 1. So season 2 doesn't matter in this fic.  
> Sorry if Nagisa seems OOC but like I said this fic is going just by season 1 and season 2 is where they get into Nagisa's character so this is my take on his way of thinking. If you don't like it please tell me why and I'll take it into consideration when I write the next chapter or just don't read the fic.  
> Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Hate isn't welcomed.

It was his own fault.

  
He should have just minded his own business. He shouldn't have agreed with Gou's idea to come to Haruka's house unannounced for a _meeting_. They shouldn't have just assumed that Haru was doing nothing, that he was just in the bath or something. He has known Haru for years, he knows that Haru is actually keen on having his alone time. He should have known better.

Running ahead from the others, Nagisa arrived first.Out of breath, Nagisa hunched over, panting, thought to himself why the hell he thought running up stairs were a good idea? Looking back down the stairs, he didn’t see Rei or Gou behind him so he leaned against the wooden fence to wait for them. He figured he should wait since knowing them, one will scold him for leaving them behind and he would rather they did that outside than in front of Haruka.

  
_‘It’s not my fault they’re so slow. Rei-chan’s the runner of the group, if anything he should have been able to catch up!’_

 

Nagisa groaned out in annoyance. At Rei or himself he wasn’t sure. He knew that he was acting childish since he knew he was in the wrong. If Rei had ran with him, Gou wouldn’t have been able to keep up and leaving her alone wasn’t an option. Rei did the right call in not going along with Nagisa’s game. Still it bothered him that Rei didn’t even attempt to catch him to make him stop. What if something happened to him while he was ahead? A little attention was all he wanted.

  
Kicking the dirt on the stone floor wasn’t entertaining him anymore so he pushed himself of the fence and looked down towards Makoto’s house. He thought about going down there to get Makoto and use him to invite himself in Haruka’s house. Makoto doesn’t need an invitation to go to his ‘second home’ and being with Makoto extended that access to him. It was the perfect plan.  
He walked down the stair only to stop and walk back up again.

  
_‘Mako-chan is sick. Duh.’_

  
Nagisa didn’t know what to do. He could always just go and be entertained by the Tachibana twins but as much fun that would be, it would also be tiresome. The twins were a lot to handle, even for him.

  
_‘Wait. If Mako-chan is sick, wouldn’t Haru-chan go and be with him?’_

  
Was Haruka even home? Looking towards the house, he saw none of the lights on and even though it was still daytime and maybe an hour until sundown, if Haru was doing homework or something in his room, then the light would be on. Nagisa walked up the walkway and was about to just walk to the backdoor, when he saw the front door was slightly open. He slid open the door all the way and let himself in. Haru's name was at the tip of his tongue when he stopped himself. The atmosphere of the house felt tense to Nagisa. He didn’t understand it. It felt as if he was home and walked onto his parents arguing about him. He felt a bead of sweat run down his temple. The tension was palpable and felt suffocating.  
He took a few steps until he was in front of the living room door. Raising a shaking hand, he held onto the door handle and pulled. No one was in there.

  
_‘So much for ripping off like a bandage.’_

  
He couldn’t hear anything in the kitchen so he just slid the door close.  
This would definitely be easier if he would just call out Haruka’s name but it felt wrong. Haruka would find him here and question him on why he was here. He didn’t know why that bothered him so much, it just did.  
Turning towards the entrance, he decided that it would be best to just leave and wait outside. Fifthteen minutes only past from the time he first arrived and Rei and Gou should be here soon. As he opened the door he heard it. He was certain that he could hear a muffled noise coming from upstairs.  
Nagisa jumped as he heard a loud slap echo in the house. The slaps kept coming one after another. Some fast and others slow. He did what any other person would do in this situation.

  
He ran out the house and just sat on the stairs.

  
Nagisa is adventurous and bold, but that doesn’t mean he’s completely courageous. Clearly, Haruka was home and Nagisa’s odd feelings were justified. Either someone was doing something to Haruka or Haruka was doing something to someone. Ugh, mouthful.  
Nagisa's buried his head into his lap and tried to think of what to do. Either Haruka was getting hurt or was hurting someone and someone had stop it. He just didn't want that someone to be him. What if he barged in and the culprit turned their attention to him. But Haruka is his friend. He couldn't just stand by and do nothing.  
Nagisa was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he barely heard the voices that we're getting louder by the minute.  
Looking up, Nagisa sees Rei and Gou walking around the corner and making their way up the staircase.

  
“He's not home.”

  
The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Why? Why! Why did he just lie? He could have had help from 2 other people yet he chose to keep it to himself. Nagisa internally winced at his own dumb thoughts. He already knew the answers so why bother questioning it.  
They all care about Haruka and worry for him because of his quiet personality and strange/volatile relationship with Rin. Although Haruka is taciturn and reserved, he’s the glue that kept their little group together. He is loved and wanted by everyone that meets him.  
And honestly, Nagisa’s jealous.  
Not jealous of the attention that Haruka gets, but in the fact that everyone wants to be closer to him. It's so selfish of him. Makoto is the only exception to this jealousy, even Haruka being with Rin made him jealous. Makoto and Haruka’s relationship is something that Nagisa would never mess with; their bond is unbreakable.  
Nagisa stood up and went down the steps towards the pair. As he stood in front of them, he knew what he would do, he had made his decision.

* * *

Convincing Gou and Rei to leave was difficult.

His simple answer of “I checked the house, no one was home,” wasn’t enough for them. Rei had suggested in just waiting a bit to see if Haruka would return. Gou agreed but Nagisa had just shrugged.

 

“I’ve been here for,” pulled out his phone to check the time “... 20ish minutes already, waiting for both of you. So I doubt he’ll be back anytime soon.”

 

Rei obviously understood the logic behind Nagisa’s words but Gou argued and insisted in waiting for Haruka to return.

Nagisa was this close to yelling at Gou. What was the point of this stupid meeting anyway? Today club activities were cancelled and today should have been a day-off but no, Gou insisted that we go to Haruka’s house for a meeting. Who was she kidding. She just wanted to come here to be with her precious Haruka-senpai and needed an excuse. Seriously, do the Matsuoka family all have yearnings for the impassive boy?

Gou finally gave up when the sky started to change from blue to a light orange.

“My mom’s probably wondering where I am… It seems like we came here for nothing.”

Did it not occur to her or for the matter of fact, Rei that they could have visited their sick friend, who lived a house down the hill. Nagisa scowled at the recent memory. Why wasn’t his word enough for them? Did they really think he would lie to them? I mean he did. But that wasn’t the point. He needed Gou and Rei to leave so he could set his plan into action. So he was grateful that they hadn’t thought of visiting Makoto. He needed Makoto for his plan.

After telling Rei that he was going to visit the Tachibana household and guilted him into not accompanying him by telling him that he needed to walk Gou, he walked over to Makoto’s house. He rang the doorbell and waited. He could hear the twins trying to get to the door. But at the end the one who opened was Mama-Tachibana herself.

"Nagisa-kun! What a pleasant surprise!”

"Good Evening Mrs.Tachibana! How’s Mako-chan?"

“Um, I'm not sure what you mean by that? Doesn’t he have swim practice with you today?”

_Shit. What?_

“Club activities were cancelled today. Mako-chan said that he wasn’t feeling well today so I thought he would have gone home right after school.”

“Oh! Well he hasn’t been home, knowing him he’s probably at Haruka-chan’s house making sure he does his homework or something. Ah wait! Today is Monday! He probably went to buy groceries with Haru-chan. You know that boy needs to eat better! If it weren’t for this family, he probably would eat nothing but Mackerel, but that was most likely earlier today. Nevermind, he’s probably at Haru-chan’s house.”

"Ok! Thank you."

* * *

_‘So Mako-chan lied to us? Lied to his mother? Wow I never would have thought’_

Nagisa wasn't sure what to do at this point. Right now he was sitting on one of the stairs staring at his phone. He tried calling Makoto but he didn't answer. He stared at the group chat that Makoto had made, stating that he wouldn’t be in school today because he was feeling under the weather.

Makoto skipping school isn’t something he would normally do. Haruka skipping today made more sense seeing that he usually doesn’t go if Makoto doesn’t.

Nagisa's eyes widen in alarm.

_‘The slaps. Were… were they fighting?’_

That bond that Nagisa respected, the bond that he longed to be apart of, was it endanger?

Nagisa stood up and turn towards Haruka's house. He had to be sure. He needed to know they was safe.

So he ran.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY TO THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED MY OLD FIC.  
> It has been a whole year and I never updated or anything. I'm so sorry for the long wait.
> 
> Reviews and criticism would be very appreciated. I just update when I have time, so there isn't a specific day that I update. If anyone would want to give me ideas or help me with this story just comment here or on tumblr: shiikun23
> 
> They encourage me to keep writing and I would like to know what you guys like about this fic.


	2. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka and Makoto find out that Nagisa got hints of their relationship. What will they do now?

_‘What was I thinking?! What could I possible do?’_

Nagisa was currently standing outside of Haruka’s house. He couldn’t just barge in there, actually yes, yes he could. But what would he actually do when he confronts them. Makoto is the strongest person he knows: physically and mentally. So why would they physically fight each other? Haruka must realize that he couldn’t beat Makoto. Unless Makoto was the one who started it? In that case, Nagisa doesn’t stand a chance. Think about it he probably isn’t strong enough to even beat Haruka.

Nagisa felt like screaming. None of it made sense. Makoto, Haruka, and fighting didn’t belong in the same sentence.

Because he was lost in his thoughts, he failed to notice the light of the hall turn on. It wasn’t until Makoto’s voice broke through his anguish thoughts.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, Haru-chan! Please be ready by the time I get there. It’s getting late, so finish your English homework. Call Rin if you have to.”

“Sure.”

The door was starting to open when Nagisa finally moved. He moved to the [side of the entrance](https://40.media.tumblr.com/b36bec856af2859871a6cddfa92854e6/tumblr_nzqgs4nkCG1sx41zio1_500.png) and watched Makoto walk outside. Makoto.. Looked fine. There were no bruises visible to him. It looked like nothing had happened to him. He even had his usual cheerful smile. No wait. Nagisa narrowed his eyes on Makoto. He barely could suppress the gasp that left his mouth. Handprints. Around Makoto’s neck. He was sure of it.

From Nagisa’s view, he couldn’t see Haruka but if Haruka didn’t have any bruises on him then it’s obvious what was happening. How could someone look so happy when they were being abused?

Soon Makoto was out of sight. Nagisa let out the breath that he was holding in. He decided that he would worry about it tomorrow and talk to Makoto on his own. But when he was about to walk away from Haru’s house, his phone started to ring.

_‘Shit Shit Shit’_

Nagisa opened his phone and shut it as fast as he could. He pressed himself against the wall, hoping that Haruka was already upstairs finishing his homework. After 5 minutes, he decided it was safe to go home. When he made it to the train station, he check his phone and saw that it message from Makoto. 

 

 

> _'Sorry I didn't answer! I had my phone off! I felt better earlier this afternoon and went to help Haru-chan with a few errands. Thank you for coming over but please don’t visit me when I’m sick. I wouldn’t want to get you sick! I'll see you tomorrow at school okay? :)'_

 

How can he keep a straight face tomorrow knowing what had happened.

 

* * *

 

When Makoto left, Haruka started to get ready to take a bath. After what he and Makoto did, he definite needed one. But he was good person and helped Makoto clean himself up before he left. He was impressed with Makoto’s stamina, he was sure that he would be limping but instead he walked perfectly, like nothing had happened.

_‘Maybe I’m getting soft on him?’_

As he thought about how to improve himself, he grabbed clean towels from the closet. Just as he was about to walk back to the bath, he heard something. It sounded like a tune of some sort but he stopped as soon as it started. Weird.

 

* * *

 

The shower was brisk. He wondered how much of the white substance going down the drain was actually soap or shampoo.

They had been going at it all day today. Makoto told the group that he was sick and came to Haruka’s house when he left for “school.” Yesterday, Haruka had told Makoto to skip school with him just to see if he would obey. It wasn’t a test. Not this time anyway but if it had been, he would have passed. He honestly didn’t think he would actually do it but Haruka wasn’t complaining. It was a good reminder of where their relationship stands. Although Haruka wasn’t actually part of most of the messy parts this time, Makoto still managed to dirty him.

Haruka walked over to the bathtub and put his index finger in, it had cooled down enough.

His foot barely touched the surface of the water when his phone rang. Grumbling because his precious bath time was interrupted, he reluctantly got his foot out and grabbed his towel. He walked out of room and made his way to the living room, where he had left his phone.

Flipping open his phone, he pressed it to his ear.

“Look if you’re calling because of the bruises on your neck—”

_“We may have a problem.”_

The tone of Makoto’s voice made Haruka pause.

“What’s wrong?”

_“My mom told me that Nagisa came by to see me. By the way she was talking, Nagisa didn’t tell her that I didn’t go to school. But she told Nagisa that I was probably at your house. Do you think he heard anything? What if he—”_

“Oh! That’s why that sounded so familiar! I heard his ringtone a bit after you left.”

_“He knows then. What are we going to do?”_

“You mean ‘you.’ What are you going to do.”

_“Wha—”_

  
Haruka felt his lips shift into a sneer. “I have a plan.”

 

* * *

 

Lunch proved to be interesting. Nagisa, of course was trying to get food from Rei’s bento. So Rei kept yelling at Nagisa to stop. After a few minutes of this, Haruka and Makoto finally arrived.

“Good morning Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai!”

Haru just nodded his head towards them while Makoto returned the greeting. When they all finally got settled in. Gou decided that since they didn’t meet over the weekend because of Makoto being sick, that they would have a small meeting about what they’ll do at practice today. Makoto became stiff at the mention of him being sick but then relaxed just as quickly. No one had noticed.

No one but Nagisa.

Nagisa tried not to show that he was staring at Makoto. It still seems like Makoto was okay but he had to make sure. Looking at his neck he saw that there were no marks. He could have sworn he saw bruises yesterday. He didn’t noticed how long he was staring at him until Makoto let out a startled gasp.

“I forgot I have to help Koike-san with her homework! ”

“Huh? What girl? Is she in your class? Is she pretty?”

“If I may ask Makoto-senpai, what homework you are helping her with? Maybe I could be of assistance?”

With Gou and Rei bombarding questions at Makoto. Haruka grabs his bag and turns to Nagisa.

“Here.” Haruka pulled out a big a strawberry flavored Ramune.

Nagisa gasped and jumped onto Haru to give him a hug. For a moment it seems that Nagisa forgot his suspicion of Haruka abusing Makoto all because of a soft drink. Silly.

“Thank you Haru-chan!”

With Nagisa’s shout of gratitude, Gou and Rei turned back towards them.

“What about us Haruka-senpai!?” Both shouted at Haruka.

Haruka just turned his head away from them and didn’t explain himself. Now that Gou was yelling at Haruka and Rei trying to stop Nagisa from drowning down the drink in one go. Makoto took that opportunity to get away without being noticed.

Makoto went to tell his teacher that his mother called and that his little sister didn’t feel well and that she can't pick her up and that he'll have to go. With Makoto being.. well Makoto, his teacher gave him permission. He got his homework and was allowed to leave. He did leave the classroom but didn't leave the building. Instead he went to the hallway where the 1st year students had their classes and went to the bathroom there.

The bathroom was empty but that didn't matter to Makoto. He went to the stall farthest from the door and closed it behind him. Now all he needed to do was wait.

 

* * *

 

When Nagisa made it to the restroom, it was empty. Or so he thought.

He was regretting drinking the whole Ramune and drinking the 2 cartons of milk he brought for lunch. He went to the urinal furthest away from the door. As he pulled down his zipper, he felt a hand on his shoulders. He turned his head towards the person behind him and was surprised to see Makoto.

"Mako-chan? What are you doing—”

With complete astonishment, Nagisa felt himself be pulled into a bathroom stall and pushed to be seated on the toilet. When he was finally out of his shock, he noticed that Makoto was kneeling in front of him and he had pulled off his pants and underwear and put it on top of the toilet cover. Leaving his lower half completely bare.

"M-Makoto! What the fu—"

"Nagisa please lower your voice. Someone could walk in any second and I don't think you would want anyone to see you like this."

Makoto put his hand on top of Nagisa's right thigh, gently putting force on it to keep it down. With his right hand he grabbed Nagisa's dick and started to move his hand up and down slowly.

"This is your first handjob right, Nagisa? I promise I'll make this feel as good as possible for you."

Nagisa started to pant lightly because of this but at the same time it slightly hurt with Makoto's dry hand and the pressure of needing to pee.

“You like this right? I bet it hurts with the friction, but you’re like me. You like a bit of pain.” To emphasize, Makoto squeezed until Nagisa whimpered. He continued the handjob until Nagisa got half hard. When Makoto deemed him ready he let go of Nagisa. He got another whimper out of which caused Makoto to smile.

"I'm sorry. Is it too much? Want me to slow down?

"Mako-chan," Nagisa whispered. He sucked in a air to continue speaking. "Why are you doing this?"

"Well you were staring at me earlier today. So I thought maybe this is what you wanted."

"A stare really doesn't mean anything, I was jus— AH! NO DON—"

Not wanting to hear Nagisa finish his sentence. Makoto put Nagisa's cock in his mouth. He pulled back and he started to lick the around the tip. "Aww~ Your foreskin hasn't pulled back! Let's fix that shall we?" With his thumb and index finger he pinched the foreskin lightly and started to pull downwards. Nagisa let out a startled gasp which quickly turned into a whine. It hurt. It hurt so much. The slight twinge at his lower stomach wasn’t helping. Yet his cock was getting harder. He couldn't wrap his mind around that Makoto was indeed doing this. He never imagined that his first sexual experience would be with one of his best friends, let alone a guy.

“Wow… No smegma. You take care of yourself so well.”

Makoto sucks downward before going back up. When he reaches the tip, Makoto sucks him inside, hollowing his cheeks and using his tongue to lick the slit. Nagisa groans, precum is already coming out from the tip and Makoto just keeps licking it up.

"Ma-AH-koto please.."

Makoto sucks harshly on the tip one last time before he lets go of it with a loud pop. Some of Nagisa's precum was on his lips so Nagisa watched at he licked his lips shyly. Makoto kept rubbing Nagisa's dick up and down with his hand.

"Yes Nagisa? What is it?"

Nagisa had caught his breath and was about to speak when the door opened.

_‘No, no, no.’_

They were going to be caught. Someone will hear them and tell a teacher who will tell the principal and then they’ll be expelled.

_'Correction: What Makoto is doing. I NEVER agree to this.’_

He could hear the person go into a stall near them.

Nagisa quickly covered his mouth and prayed that whoever was next to them couldn't smell what was happening next to him. He turned his gaze at Makoto, who in returned winked at Nagisa. Nagisa started to shake his head desperately trying to tell Makoto to not do anything. What happened next was either the best or the worst thing that has ever happened to Nagisa in his life. Makoto let go of his dick and put the whole thing in his mouth, until it hit the back of his throat. Nagisa would have shouted if he hadn't been already covering his mouth. Makoto’s eyes widened, he forgot to do the most important part of deepthroating! He looked up at Nagisa and purposely gagged.

The boy from the next stall heard the gag; he asked if he was okay.

Makoto pulled his head back and replied

"I'm okay." He started coughing for a few seconds. "I'll feel even better once I let it out."

"You want me to get the nurse after I’m done?"

Makoto once again took Nagisa's dick all the way down his throat choking himself on Nagisa's cock. Once again pulling back and gasping for air "No no. I'll go to her after I'm done in here. Thank you anyway. Please don't worry about me."

Nagisa isn't even sure if the guy responded back to Makoto. After Makoto finished telling him not to call the nurse he kept deepthroating him. Nagisa could barely see past the flashing white lights in his sight. He could feel tears going down his cheeks, trying to keep down his voice. It was so good. So so good. He wanted it to stop yet he wanted it to continue. He could feel everything Makoto was doing to him. He could feel when his dick hit the back of Makoto's throat. Can feel his tongue on his cock's frenulum. Nagisa felt like sobbing, he never wanted this to end.

_'What am I saying?'_

No longer was Nagisa holding back moans but holding back sobs.

_‘This is just body reacting. I don’t want this! I wanna go home!'_

Makoto stopped when he felt Nagisa’s legs shaking. He saw the look of agony on Nagisa’s face and felt a twinge of empathy.

_‘Is this how I looked liked before?’_

Now that Makoto stopped. Nagisa's mind started to clear up. His senses were coming back to him. The low ache pulsing through his abdomen, his bladder is so full yet his erection was still throbbing, pulsing from the hit of cold air. He could hear the faucets running outside, toilets and urinals flushing near him, other people's voices in the bathroom. How long have they been here? Did class already start? He felt his himself starting to panic. What if one of them heard them. What if he didn't muffle his voice good enough. These are 1st year students. They'll never shut up about how they heard some lucky guy getting some in the bathroom. And by then the whole school will know. Oh god anything but that.

Makoto lifted himself up and pulled Nagisa into a slight hug. He guided Nagisa’s head onto his shoulder and rubbed his back soothingly.

 _“Hey Hey, it’s okay.”_ He whispered. _“Shhh, I’m going to make you feel even better so relax. No one is going to notice. Just keep covering your mouth. Or would you rather I kiss you? Handjob or blowjob, choose Nagisa.”_

Nagisa felt his heart stop when he heard a voice calling out to him.

_Rei._

Rei is in the same class as him. Rei must have realized that he was gone for so long. Who knows how long. Nagisa started to to cry even more. He can imagine how Rei would react if he caught him like this. He would look so shocked and would be to embarrassed to even talk to him, to even look at him. What if he was disgusted that he was doing it with another guy. To Makoto, his captain, his senpai! He could feel himself about to bawl, trying to escape his throat. Who would believe that Makoto was the one who pushed him in here, that pulled of his clothes and is basically swallowing his dick? Sweet, innocent, responsible Makoto would never do something like this at school. If anything. They would think it was all Nagisa's idea. He's the one who's willing to take risks, he's the troublemaker, for fuck's sake he's the one who tells the team that they should run around in their swimsuits to get new members!

_"Blowjob.”_

Was that really his voice? It sounded so broken, so quiet, so defeated.

Makoto pulled back and looked at him in delight.

 _"Alright! But can you hold my nose while we do this? I know it's kind of weird but please?"_ as he asked this, Makoto went back to crouching on the floor.

Well if he listened, the faster this will end right? Nagisa reached out and grabbed a hold on Makoto's nose. Makoto in return smiled at him. That sweet smile that would make anyone else smile back. Which is what happened. It was like Nagisa wasn't in control of his body. He felt himself return the smile and his other hand went and stroked Makoto hair back into place. At one point did he reach down and grab Makoto's hair? He didn’t remember.

_"I think you should still cover your mouth, people are still in here."_

Nagisa pulled back his hand and bit it. He nodded his head to show that he was ready. Without any hesitation, Makoto put his whole cock down his throat and stayed there. It felt good but it would feel even better if he moved his head. So why didn— Oh oh my god Makoto no no!

Makoto swallowed until he started running out of breath. Without air going into his nose, his throat squeezed Nagisa's cock more quickly. Without any warning, Nagisa let go of hand in his mouth and placed it on top of Makoto's head and pushed his head down. Letting go of Makoto’s nose, he placed his hand onto the toilet seat under him and put the weight of this body onto his arm and pushed his hips up as far as he could and came. Nagisa came with a silent scream and Makoto had no choice but to swallow Nagisa's cum.

When Nagisa finally came down from his high, he let his hips relax back down onto the toilet seat. He looked down at Makoto and saw a face that he will never forget. Makoto had a deep blush covering his face and he's pupil was barely visible with how upward they were. When Makoto finally pulled his head back, drool was connecting his lips to Nagisa's dick. He let his mouth and tongue hang open, trying to sucking air into his screaming lungs.

When Makoto composed himself, he got up and leaned down towards Nagisa and grabbed his face. "That was fun, wasn't it?" He pecked Nagisa on the lips then leaned even more to whisper into his ear. When he finished, he grabbed toilet paper and wiped his mouth with it and walked out of the stall leaving Nagisa alone.

* * *

He skipped practiced that day and skipped school the next day, faking that he had a stomach ache. Not that he didn't, but it was more of a emotional ache. He left his phone off, not wanting to talk to anyone. The only thing on his mind was what happened in the school bathroom that Tuesday afternoon and what Makoto said to him before he left.

_"You did so well for your first time. I'm so proud of you!"_

_"You're such a good boy."_

_"Did you like it? Please tell me you did, I tried my very best to make you satisfied."_

_"That was the hardest you've ever came right? It felt really good right?"_

_"I can make you feel like this anytime you want."_

_"But I know someone that can make you feel even better. You want that right?"_

_"You're such a good boy, Nagisa. I know you'll come, I know you won't disappoint me. It'll be nice to have someone else to play with! "_

_He felt his body flush. His body felt hot. His hand clutched his shirt over his erratic beating heart._

_**"You're such a good boy."** _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to do Watersports but I realize that watersports isn't exactly a popular kink and can be a turn off to people so I left it more open. It could have happened or not. Idk if you guys like that, tell me so I can write it in the future.
> 
> Alright that's the end of the rewrite of my old fic. Now onto new chapters. I will probably post it sometime after Christmas. Please if you have ideas for later chapters, comment about it! I would love to hear about them! I don't really have anything planned for this fic so anything goes!  
> I used this pic: (http://24.media.tumblr.com/3bf96ed5127e067b27c279ea3b0a4ba1/tumblr_n5t499OJlJ1ts691ao1_r4_1280.png) so I could somewhat describe Haru's house.


	3. Screaming is amazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa explodes. That's it.

Friday came faster than what he wished. Nagisa couldn’t just stay home and avoid his problems. Well, stay home and be “lazy” since his parents didn’t actually know that there was a problem. After the incident, Nagisa decided that he was going to keep it to himself. There was no need to bring others into it. The past was in the past. If he just acted like it never happened, then it would be like it never actually happened.

Right?

Classes and lunch felt normal. Even seeing Makoto didn’t bother him. Nagisa’s supposed stomach ache came up only once and was dropped when Nagisa insisted that he was fine and could attend practice. Everyone were joking around and discussing what they will do during practice that day.  
It was practice itself where the issues came.

* * *

There was no shame in changing in front of others. He has been doing it since he was 10 for Christ sake! Haruka clearly made it seem like no big deal so why was it so hard now?  
Nagisa stared down at his shaking hands in disbelief. He let his eyes roam to look around him and he could see everyone else was already in their swimtrunks and he hasn't even taken off his shirt.

  
"Toilet!"

  
The boys turned their heads towards their randomly alarmed friend.

"I have to go! Don't wait up!"

He felt stupid running out of the club room. Running away from his problems wouldn't solve anything. Running away was admitting defeat. Running away was leaving behind.  
Nagisa's sprint turned into a jog, then a walk, until finally he stopped.

He was running away from his friends. His best friends. The ones who would do anything for him and him back. The ones who would support him no matter what his problem was. The ones that would never mean to hurt him.

 _But **he** did._  
_He **touched** him_  
_He **played** with him_  
_Emotionally and physically_  
_He left him feeling used and dirty_  
_He felt **disgusting**_

Nagisa heard chuckles near him, but couldn't see who it was. His vision was blurred by the unsheathed tears in his eyes. He realized that he was the one chuckling, laughing at his cruel thoughts.

"I'm pathetic! What kind of man doesn't stand up for himself?! I should have just punched him! Punched him in his fake stupid cheerful face! I should have fought back! But I didn't! Because I'm a coward. I'm a fucking coward. For all I know I'm not the only one. He could be doing this to Rei-chan, to Haru-chan or Gou-chan! I'm supposed to be the bold one, the one who will deliver justice when needed. I'm so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID. STU—"

"Nagisa-kun?"

He turned his head towards the soft questioning voice behind him. From his view, he could only make out bright red-violet hair.

"Hey... Kou. How. H-how much of that did you hear?"

"I think enough."

Gou took a deep shaky breath. It did little to calm her nerves and didn't help keep the crack in her voice

"Nagisa, you're not stupid. Don't ever tell yourself that. Don't let yourself believe that. Some... Sometimes, our thoughts lie to us. They like to make us mad or sad. I guess it thinks it's funny—"

"Get to the point."

"Right, look all I'm trying to say is," she took the few stepped needed to embrace him, "is that I'm here for you. No matter what."

Gou placed her head in the crook of his neck, hiding her face in his neck. Her words were muffled but he understood her nonetheless.

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong. But all of us, Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai," whether she felt his body tense at his name, he did not know, "Rei-kun, and I... We're here for you. Whatever it is"

It felt as if they were there for hours. Gou refused to let go until Nagisa said something back, anything back. She could only feel his even breaths. As soon as she felt a hand on her arm, she lifted her head and saw from the corner of her eye a smile. Not his usual smile that covered his whole face but a more small and sad smile.

"You really care about Rin-chan."

_Huh?_

Nagisa pulled himself away from her hug and turned around to face her, grabbing her hands and holding them with such tenderness.

"If you didn't love your brother so much, you would have never sent him to the old club building. Although we were already planning on making the swim team, if it wasn't for your management, it probably would have fallen apart. We would never have gotten the motivation to get Rin-chan to acknowledge us, to want to have that friendship from long ago."

"You're not making any sense."

"All I'm trying to say is, thank you. Thank you for everything.

With that, Nagisa pecked Gou on her cheeks and forehead. He backed away from her, then turned and started walking away.  
It only took a few seconds for Gou to drop out of the daze Nagisa had left her in but she didn't stop him. She let him go. She would make one of the boys take him stuff home.

* * *

No one was home.

That was good. He needed to think and nothing helped better then thinking out loud.

But what was better then thinking out loud?

Screaming.

He ran to his room screaming and threw open his bedroom door. He started jumping in place and flinging his arms around. It felt good. To scream out his frustrations to the invincible audience in his room.

When he was finally out of breath, he flung himself onto his bed. The only noise left were his harsh inhales and exhales of air. All the screaming and running left him tired. Much more tired than if he stayed at practice. He was both physically and emotionally drained.  
Sleep is what he needed. Sleep was his salvation from his depressing thoughts. He would face his problems tomorrow. He would sleep now and hopefully stay asleep till tomorrow.

* * *

_Ding dong!_

But of course if there was a God, that God is an asshole because he woke Nagisa up.

He couldn't hear any other noise in the house besides the stupid doorbell which happened to ring again.

So he was guessing that he was still home alone.

_'Typical the day I want to be left alone is the day people bother me. Wait don't I do this to people? Oh my God am I that annoying? I vow that I will never get into peoples business again! I'll let them wallow in selfpity. Yeah.'_

He made it to the front door and was in the process of unlocking it when he realized that the person on the other side was probably Rei bringing his school bag.

When he opened the door, Nagisa felt his blood freeze and felt a cold sweat build under his bangs. His eyes widen as panic started to override his body.

Makoto Tachibana was standing in front of him. Makoto Tachibana had Nagisa's bag over his shoulder while his other hand was rubbing the back of his neck. He had the insolence to have his face flushed and look embarrassed in front of Nagisa.

"Hi! Um Hey, yeah um. Can I come in? I think we need to talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI WOW I'M NOT DEAD.  
> sorry I didn't update sooner! I was failing one of my major classes and spent vacation and this whole month working my butt off to get that grade up. Which worked! I went from a F(38) to a B-(83). So yay me!
> 
> I decided to add a bit more plot to this story. So if you just want smut you're going to have to wait a bit more. Maybe 2 more chapters. I want to focus more on Nagisa's mind and how he starts breaking emotionally. Aww so delicious. Next chapter will be up on Wednesday! I PROMISE! IF NOT THEN TWO CHAPTERS ON SATURDAY.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos! They motivate me to write! Even small comments like: wow I love this fic! (Even though telling me why would make me even happier)


	4. Not A Chapter. Place to leave ideas for Shiikun.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Send me ideas! It can be put into a future chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided not to delete this "chapter" because I want people to be able to comment their ideas if they have any. Also this keeps me way more organized. If I copy and paste your ideas, I'm going to lose it. Haha. So ignore this chapter if you don't want to leave ideas and just read the chapters that actually have a title.
> 
> I didn't actually write anything new here. So yeah just ignore this haha.

Hello. This is Shiikun! (pronounced sh ee kun. My friends have been calling me Shykun and I really don't like it haha.)

So my ideas for the future are:

  * In the changing room, Makoto emotionally manipulates Nagisa. ( _"why haven't you come to play? I thought I made you feel good. I thought you liked me?"_ )
  * After that, Nagisa flinches and trembles when Makoto is close to him.
  * The group go out together for bonding times. (idk?)
  * Out in public, Makoto repeatedly gropes Nagisa (while they're sitting, Mako standing behind him blah blah).
  * Haruka stopping it and "saves" Nagisa. 
  * Nagisa starts questioning what he saw _that day "Was Haru-chan the one getting hurt?)  
_



And that's all I got. I don't know, I feel like the chapters that I plan are so short so more ideas would really help me.

Please remember that this fic will have unhealthy relationships and I do not actually condone the acts that characters do in this fic. It will definitely change into a more healthy relationship in later chapters but it'll still be a little fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't have an AO3 account or don't want to leave a comment here.  
> Feel free to message me on my tumblr: Shiikun23 (of course you don't have to follow me. You can still talk to me).

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments!


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